dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
