I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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