he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
