Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
