I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
