I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
