Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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