i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize