Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
