Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
