I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
