If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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