she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
