I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
