I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
