the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
