Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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