Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
