Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize