Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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