he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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