i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
