Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize