I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think I won the penis lottery.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
