ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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