Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
