Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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