honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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