My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize