Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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