I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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