I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
