her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
even my farts smell like vagina
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
