That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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