how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
