2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
