how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I could fuck to npr.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
