My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
