jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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