Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
