I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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