Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
