do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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