my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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