She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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