i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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