I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
