Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
