You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
