I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
