Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
