Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
