I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
