Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
