Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
