i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
