i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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