the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
