Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
