and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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