so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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