And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize