nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
