Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
