i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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