I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
