Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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