At least make sure they are 18
Why
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
