after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
