I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
