I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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