Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
