One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
