No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
