This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
