i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
