he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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