ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
