I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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