maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
