I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Found the puke drawer
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
