Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
