I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
