I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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