my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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